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Friday, April 20, 2007

An Extraordinary Day

Each year, us foreign English teachers have to write a short essay for the prefectural board of education (a prefecture is like a state). We are asked the same every time, write about "the Japanese experience." While no one is short of matieral, it is difficult to fit something worthwhile (and appropriate) in just a few paragraphs.

None of us look forward to writing it, especially when we know our essays are to be translated into Japanese. So, our work ends up being very similar each year. Some talk about how they have adjusted to living in Japan, and some have suggestions for the program. Most essays however are about how great their students are, or how great their town is, or how great that trip they went on was, or... well, something along those lines. Others make no sense at all.

I definately felt mine made no sense last year. I wanted to write something meaningful. I wanted to tell everyone that cultural understanding is a slow undertaking, and we have to remember to be patient. But it was so boring, I fell asleep every time I tried to write it. My supervisor didn't know how to translate it. It was such a mess, when the printed version came back, I couldn't even figure out what I was saying.

I enjoyed reading everyone's essays, but in the end, I felt our endeavors were pointless. I realized the only people who read our work are the same people we talk to day in and day out... and they already know how we feel. Cynical, I know.

This year, I decided to attack the essay from a new angle. A simple angle. An angle that had no translation problems. So sit back, grab a cup of green tea and enjoy this year's experience essay.

----------

An Extraordinary Day

I would like to share with you an event that occurred during my stay in Japan. As we are lucky to live next to such a fascinating place, one Saturday I decided to take a stroll in Kyoto. It was an unusually fine weekend, the weather was warm for early spring and the sakura was not yet in bloom. It was just a few weeks before the crowds descended on the city for hanami.

My stroll was not planned. My predecessor left me a well used but handy Kyoto guidebook, which I browsed on the quiet train ride south. Arriving at Kyoto station early, I chose a direction, one that took me through the city’s center and up east toward Higashiyama.

I saw some of the most interesting things. Through downtown were shopkeepers sweeping the streets preparing for customers, students in uniform heading to Saturday club activities, and old married couples well dressed for their sightseeing destinations. I saw a city waking and beginning its day.

Heading farther east, morning turned to noon, and what a day it became. Monks were practicing their daily chants; I could hear a deep bell being rung from far away. An artists’ class set themselves up in the grass and were studying a springtime shrine. Two ladies walked by in kimono holding umbrellas to protect them from the sun. Foreign tourists were out with cameras photographing everything they saw.

By late afternoon, I began my trip home. I looked back and recollected the day and thought how remarkable it was. As the sun was setting, I took a nap on the train.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

So Efficient, It Makes Your Hands Numb

Last winter was freezing. The weather was windy, icy and it snowed every week. Without a car, a trip outside meant a long painful bike ride, or an even longer walk. And after being out in sub-zero conditions all day, I wanted to come home to a properly heated house.

I didn't realize how difficult that would be in Japan. See, there's something not in the walls of apartments here: central heating. Even though I never thought about it before, I missed central heating dearly.

Sitting in my brick cold cardboard-for-walls apartment, I weighed my non-central heating options. The most obvious was my air conditioner (it has a heating setting). The first day it was cold, I turned that baby all the way up and let her rip. But instead of warming up my house, it just jacked up my electricity bill.

I looked at the other, more "Japanese" options. There are quite a few, but they all work under the idea of "localized heating." Take the hot carpet for example. In a country where everyone sits on the floor, just flick the switch and viola, your tuchas is warm.

If that's not enough for you, there's a sexy little coffee table thing called a kotatsu. Put a blanket around it, turn on the heater underneath, stuff your feet under and you're cozy as can be.


A standard kotatsu, in a standard room, with a standard person in it.

That's how I spent last winter. Each night I'd plop down in front of the TV with a warm butt and warm feet and thought, "with the kotatsu and the hot carpet, things aren't so bad. Never mind that I'm wearing a hat indoors, I'm... warm! And it's efficient!" And as long as I stayed still, I wouldn't fog up the screen with my breath.

But as I watched ads for Playstation 3 and cell phones with GPS tracking, I began to wonder, is there a better way? I asked around.

Some people said electric blankets helped. Some, hot water bottles or space heaters. I tried to imagine sitting in my apartment with five different sources of heat trying to warm me. It was a ridiculous idea.

Then I learned of the kerosene heater. People use them all the time here and they warm the house real well. It was a perfect idea, except of course, that it ran on kerosene. Even though it seemed like the best option, I avoided them. Seeing my breath indoors was minor compared with the thought of burning down the apartment.

The strange thing about the cold is that after a while, I forgot how miserable it was. Once the weather started warming up, I realized I never wanted to live another winter like that. I needed to be prepared for the following year. Ignoring my fears, I bought a used kerosene heater from my friend. And I thought my heating troubles were over.

The heater worked just fine, but my common sense about them was zero. My friend didn't know much more. Neither of us thought it was a bad idea to leave kerosene in the heater when I took it home. But it was a bad idea.

On my way into the train station, I ended up spilling kerosene all over the ticket gates. I probably should have been arrested that night for attempting to blow up the station. Though it was my luck it happened then and not on the train.

I was too embarrassed at the time, but I wonder what the station staff thought of me. Did they realize we stopped using kerosene to heat our homes at least fifty years ago? They probably were only thinking about the fact that a moron tried to bring a heater full of combustible liquid onto the train.

Regardless of its flammable tendencies, I had my source of warmth for this winter. And even though this year hasn't come close to the frigidness of last, I'm still happy I have the heater. Every few days when the heater goes empty, I just fill the tank outside with the hand pump. Kerosene is too messy for indoors. And when my supply runs out, it's just a quick 10 minute walk to the gas station to fill up my container again. Carrying it back isn't so bad either. But I am finally warm! And as long as I open the window every 30 minutes to keep the carbon monoxide and sulfur dioxide from killing me, things are grand.

And to think I missed central heating.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Panel Discussion: Valentine's Day


Hi everyone. With Valentine's Day upon us, I wanted to host a small discussion on the subtle differences between the holiday in Japan and in the States. With me today I have:

Jacey Rabeski, a self proclaimed "Japanese pop culture fiend"


Mr. Takamiya, a local shopkeeper


and Chris Wellings, who just recently arrived in Japan and is looking for work.


Also with us are Yumi and Yuki, both currently in their senior year of high school.


I also invited Professor Nigel Turner, an expert on Japanese-American relations from Columbia University. But he unfortunately couldn't make it. In his place, the university sent a last minute replacement, their... janitor, Mr. Bartsworth.




Well, umm, welcome to our first discussion everyone! Let's get right into it, shall we? One of the things I find interesting is men aren't supposed to give anything on Valentine's Day in Japan. Only women give presents! Does it-"

What? You making this up? Sounds like no woman I ever knew. I'll tell you what my wife gives me on Valentine's Day. She gives me a shit hard time, that's what! How am I supposed to enjoy the game and a beer when she's non-stop bitc-

Umm, sir, excuse me, I really don't think that's related to the discussion at hand... How about I just pose this question to Yumi and Yuki then. Girls, does it bother you that you have to give presents to men and they don't give anything in return? Am I understanding this right?

[in Japanese] Huh, is he talking to us?

[in Japanese] Who knows, I dunno. Oh, Yumi-chan! Did you know your bracelet makes you look so cute?

[in Japanese] Awwww, thanks! It was on sale, too!

Ladies?

[in Japanese] Oh wait, what's he saying? He is talking to us.

[in Japanese] Hmm... he's probably saying your cute Yuki. I'd be careful.

[in English] Uhhh... (thinks real hard) oh, wow, yes! Thank you! Good morning! English!

[in Japanese] Eeeehhh!! Yuki-chan, you speak English! You're so good you know!

Ummm, ok, I didn't think we would have language issues. Let me rephrase that-

Actually, if I may? I just wanted to say, you know, I don't think it's weird for girls to only give presents on Valentine's Day.

Oh, well I didn't mean to say it's weird. Anyway, why don't you enlighten us on this a little more?

Yeah, well girls are supposed to give chocolate to the boys they like. I gave a whole lot of chocolate last year to the J-boys at my school-

J-boys?

Yeah, you know, Japanese boys. What, you never heard that?

No, well, I guess it's just a little odd to refer to people that way, that's all.

They are so dreamy... you know... they way they smile... and like, the way they talk... and... you know... their hair... (stares off)

Umm... you were just mentioning something about chocolate, right? Girls only give chocolate?

Oh, yeah, it's really nice to make your own, too. I tried to make some this year but I'm not so good at cooking so I ended up just eating it all.

Ate it all? That's too bad. But what about the men? Are we supposed to just sit around and get stuff from women? It doesn't seem so... I don't know... romantic, does it?

Romantic? What the hell are you, some kinda queerboy? If the only thing my wife gave me was chocolate I wouldn't complain. If she gave me nothing, ha, I wouldn't complain either. But you know what, she gives-

Please stop, really. We get the idea about your wife. I was just trying to make a point about the romantic aspects of a day when one person gives, and the other isn't supposed to reciprocate. It doesn't make sense to me. Chris, what do think?

What? These chicks are gonna give us chocolate? (motions towards the girls) I like that idea. Hehh, you ladies got any candy for me? (eyes the girls)

[in Japanese] (looking at her cell phone) Yumi-chan look! I just got an email from Taro-kun!

[in Japanese] Oh, really? Luckyyyyy! What's it say?

(turns to Mr. Bartsworth) Yeahh, they are totally into me. You just watch and learn from the master.

(glances at Chris and grumbles incoherently)

(sighs)

Oh, you know, actually, there is a day where boys give chocolate back.

Really?

Yeah, March 14th... White Day. If boys got chocolate on Valentine's Day, they are supposed to give white chocolate in return-

What, what's that? Hehh, you know I love to give my white chocolate! (looks at girls again)

Ok, dude, seriously, you are out of line. Let's have a little bit of decency, shall we?

What are you talking about? I'm just talking about candy, jeez! Hehh, ladies, yeah, you want some candy?

[in Japanese] Yuki... watch out, this big nose is trying to talk to us...

[in Japanese] (looking up from cell phone) Huh, what? Which one?

Oh god, this was such a mistake... Jacey, can you help me here? I'd like to get back to the discussion... you said you made your own chocolate? Why not just buy it?

Yeah, well, making it is more heartfelt, you know? I think the J-boys are really gonna appreciate it this year...

Excuse me... Ms. Jacey... You said you ate your candies, yes? Maybe you need to buy some then. My shop has some excellent chocolates.

Oh, Mr. Takamiya, it's good to hear you give some input. But if you could, please save the soliciting for after.

Save the what? I have number one best chocolates in town! Here, Mr. Dan, have a taste. (takes out small display)

(chewing) Oh, wow, hmm, this is pretty good.

Do you want to buy some, Mr. Dan? (stands up with the display)

No... no thanks.

(goes to the other guests) Anyone like to buy? Yes?

Mr. Takamiya, please, if you could sit down...

(puts the display down by his chair and starts screaming in Japanese) Welcome! Welcome! Chocolate for sale! Chocolate for sale!

What the hell are you screaming about? We don't want your crap!

Oh, for chrissake, please, please sit down!

(slides over to the girls) Hey ladies, what are you doing?

[in Japanese] What does this freakshow want? Can't he see I'm trying to email here?

[in Japanese] Maybe he wants you to pick his nose, Yuki! Haha! It's soooo big!


[in Japanese] Welcome, welcome! The best chocolate in town! For Valentine's Day!

Mr. Takamiya! Sir, will you please!

[in Japanese] Oh, Yumi-chan, Taro is coming to see us! Let's go get him some chocolate and get out of here!

[in Japanese] Good idea! These people are real weirdoes...

(turns to Mr. Bartsworth) Yeah old man, what did I tell you, they're buying us chocolate! Slap me some palm, brohan! We gettin' lucky tonight!!

What the hell are you saying? Get your hand out of my face!

[in Japanese] Best chocolate in town! Right here! Oh... thank you ladies!

Hey, ummm... Mr. Swave, I think your girls are leaving. Oh well... I might as well get some candy myself...

(sighs) I can't believe this. Well, how about we just call it quits for today. Thank you everyone for coming, I think... maybe we can have a more organized discussion next time? I will say though, that chocolate was pretty good... Hmm... Well, good bye everyone... I think I'll get some of that chocolate for myself...